Al Diamon

Al Diamon

What do terrorists want?

According to a CIA or some other equally arguable though presumably illusory supervision agency, each dangerous left-wing – from Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh to South Carolina church shooter Dylann Roof to Boston Marathon creepo Dzhokhar Tsarnaev – wanted accurately a same thing:

Food stamps.

Apparently, murdering trusting people for misty ideological reasons works adult utterly an appetite, though not many income.

Unfortunately for McVeigh and his ilk, there’s roughly no possibility of that dream entrance true. One large reason: McVeigh was executed for his crimes in 2001, while Roof and Tsarnaev will expected face that predestine in a nearby future. And even if they somehow shun fatal injection and win parole, they’ll be unhappy when they uncover adult during a gratification bureau to request for a Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (the central name for food stamps). That’s since sovereign law prohibits convicted terrorists from receiving any supervision handouts that aren’t delivered in a needle with a skull and cranky skeleton on it.

That usually isn’t good adequate for Bruce Poliquin, Maine’s 2nd District congressman and malware infection. Republican Poliquin has introduced a check patrician a No Welfare For Terrorists Act, that would anathema anyone found guilty of merely helping a militant from ever receiving food stamps.

Consider that apocalyptic effect when delivering guns, explosives, pizza or toilet paper to your companion with a eremitic personality.

“What we are articulate about are a many heartless acts of apprehension in America, a many aroused acts,” Poliquin told a Lewiston Sun Journal, “and when those people leave prison, we don’t cruise we should be providing them welfare.”

When asked how many terrorists were now receiving food stamps, a congressman certified a series was zero. This competence lead one to trust Poliquin’s legislation is unneeded. But he’s discerning to indicate out that scarcely 50 people are now portion time for helping terrorists, and some of them will be expelled in a subsequent 25 years or so. The initial thing these newly released partner terrorists will do is uncover adult during a Department of Health and Human Services perfectionist food stamps.

If this check becomes law, they’ll find Poliquin’s bequest restraint their approach – as many as a bequest of somebody of his medium status can retard anything.

The usually problem with this zero-tolerance-for-starving-terrorists process is that it doesn’t go distant enough. It seems doubtful that a small participation in sovereign law books of denunciation fixation SNAP advantages perpetually over a strech of loyal believers in whatever means has desirous them to acts of assault will force them to recur their plans. Don’t design a unfolding such as this one to indeed take place:

Terrorist: Go get me some guns, explosives, pizza and toilet paper, in sequence that we might accurate terrible reprisal on typical people who have never finished me any harm.

Terrorist Assistant: we can’t. If I’m held helping your sinful plot, I’ll be incompetent for food stamps for a rest of my life.

Terrorist: Good point. Let’s play video games, instead.

No, Mr. Poliquin, your food-stamp anathema is insufficient. If we wish to deter intensity terrorists, you’re going to have to rectify your check to embody some many nastier penalties.
Such as:

No one convicted of helping a militant shall ever be authorised to use an X-Box, Wii, PlayStation or identical device, nor shall they be available to download games to their tablets or phones, solely maybe some unequivocally aged versions of Candy Crush or Words With Friends.

Streaming video? Don’t make me laugh. Terrorist aides will have copiousness of time to cruise a blunder of their ways while carrying zero to watch solely programs on unchanging network radio – and during their unchanging times, too. No DVR for you.

Government agents will cancel all accounts in a name of paroled terrorists with Pandora, Spotify, Sirius XM and even those awful song channels on Time Warner Cable. If they wish to listen to tunes, they can play some of grandma’s vinyl records. Hey look, she’s got all a Partridge Family’s LPs, a Cowsills and loads of a Osmonds.

I wish that retro-entertainment overkill doesn’t give them a munchies. Because their credit’s no good during Cumbies, and their food stamps have left a approach of Timothy McVeigh.

SNAPpy comments might be emailed to aldiamon@herniahill.net.

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